Stop Digging Up the Goldfish
How to End the Cycle of Financial Regret
When my sister and I were little, we had a goldfish that died.
Grieving as children do, my sister wrapped him in a paper towel and gave him a proper burial in the backyard. But the story didn't end there. Every single day, she would go out back with a trowel, dig him up, and "check" on him to see what was happening.
She called it "scientific curiosity." But in reality? It was doing no good for my sister, and it certainly wasn't doing any good for the goldfish.
Most of us are doing the exact same thing with our past money mistakes.
Are You "Swirling in the Crap"?
When we've made a mess of our finances—missed payments, "retail therapy" that went too far, or failing to save—we tend to resurrect those failures daily. We rehash the "should-haves" and "could-haves" until we are dizzy.
I call this swirling in your crap. It feels like productivity. It feels like we’re "analyzing" so we don't do it again. But there is a massive difference between analyzing a mistake and wallowing in it.
The Problem with the Revisit
If you are currently learning to do better, you have no functional need to revisit the "wrong" unless it is to make a specific vow never to repeat it. Any time spent reliving the mistake beyond that point serves only two purposes:
To punish yourself.
To punish someone else.
Neither of those will help you pay off a credit card. Neither of those will grow your savings. Self-flagellation is not a financial strategy.
Honor the Feeling, Then Bury the Mistake
Honoring your feelings is important. It’s okay to feel the sting of a bad decision—that sting is what teaches us. But once the lesson is learned, the "goldfish" needs to stay in the ground.
Here is how to stop the "swirl":
The Five-Minute Reset: If a past mistake comes up, give yourself five minutes to identify the exact lesson. (e.g., "I spent money I didn't have because I was stressed.")
Write the Vow: State clearly what you will do differently next time.
Close the Grave: Once the vow is made, tell yourself: "The lesson is extracted. The rest is just dirt."
Move Forward, Not Backward
Resiliency comes from looking at the horizon, not the ground beneath your feet. You cannot build a future if you are constantly digging up the past to see how much it has decayed.
If you want Money Calm, you have to let the past stay dead. Stop digging up the goldfish. Start planting something new.
